Fay Hicks

Mom was born on Thursday September 15, 1949 to George and Evelyn Middleton. She was the only daughter with two brothers, Gerry and Garry. While I don’t know much about Mom’s childhood I have been told that Christmas was always an exciting time because Uncle Garry and her would get together with the neighbour kids and go over presents. One Christmas Uncle Garry got a new drum set that was being hidden in Mom’s room. She tripped over it in the middle of the night, but he slept through the noise. When Mom was little Gram would send her out into the backyard and she was fine until a plane went overhead and she came in screaming. Mom always loved reading and as a child one of her favourite books was Charlotte’s Web. She loved that it was made into an animated film and later into a live action movie. She would watch it with Madeline, her granddaughter, all the time. It didn’t hurt that her favourite country singer, Reba, voiced one of the animals in the movie.

Mom met Dad (Don Hicks) when she was 15 years old. She used to say that he was tall, blonde and tanned. He made her laugh and he would take her for rides on his motorcycle. They were married in 1971 and built a house on Gilead Road across from the family farm that Dad would later run himself. They enjoyed travelling and went across Canada a few times on their motorcycle as well as on a cruise.

When Mom turned 25 she was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. A condition that exists because the immune system attacks the body`s liver. She spent 3 months in the hospital. I never knew that she was sick, so it just goes to show how she handled everything. She loved to go shopping and we would go almost every weekend when I became a teenager. I can still remember her spinning in front of the mirror of her favourite clothing store showing off the outfit she just “had to have”. Or she would buy things for me and say “don’t tell your father”. He knew anyway.

Mom had a kind heart and always wanted to help those in need. Maybe that’s why the kids in the school system used to get in trouble on purpose to go down to the office (she was the school secretary) to see “Mama Fay”. She always knew what you needed before you did. I remember one particular Christmas a young woman she knew was having a hard time. Mom went out and bought groceries and Christmas presents so this woman could have a proper Christmas for her young daughter. Mom always thought of everyone before herself. Even in the last month when I began to truly realize what the outcome was going to be she would always say “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Mom and Dad were a part of the Gold Wing Road Riders Association, a group of people that meet every month. During the summer they would go for long motorcycle rides around the area. Dad and Mom also liked going to Americade in Lake George, NY. Mom liked it for the shopping, Dad liked it for the motorcycle accessories.

Mom was artistic in all aspects of the word. She enjoyed cake decorating, quilting, knitting and painting. Obviously not all at the same time, but she did all of them with such remarkably beautiful results. While she didn’t play any instruments herself, she always loved when I played the flute and never missed my concerts. She made sure I had lessons in any instrument that struck my fancy. I later learned that she loved going to the Emmanuel Baptist Church and her favourite part was singing at the beginning of the service. Mom loved to dance as well. She used to do what I called the “mom dance”. I remember laughing at her as a teenager and then becoming mortified when I realized that I danced exactly like her to make my daughter laugh. Now I do it to remember her. Ironic, how things work out.

When I was in high school we would ride into Picton together and go to lunch together. She was my best friend when my “best friends” were nowhere to be found. She shared in my educational triumphs and also my disappointments. She kept my deepest secrets and darkest fears and I never had to worry about her telling anyone.

On October 6, 2001 Mom received her first liver transplant. I remember getting to the Toronto hospital at 5:30 in the morning and seeing her. She was so excited that you couldn’t even tell that she was scared. After 8 hours of surgery we got to see her in recovery. It is an image that I will never forget, beautiful and terrifying. She was talking to me the next day, although she didn’t remember. After a month in the hospital she went to stay with Kim and Dave in Hamilton to recoup for a month and go to all her doctor’s appointments.

That first liver transplant allowed Mom to have 9 and a half more years of life. She was able to watch me graduate, both from high school and later Trent University. She was able to travel again and she loved that. She helped me pick out my prom dress and my wedding dress. It’s funny, she always picked out the perfect things for me to wear even if I didn’t like them on the hanger. She would say “Oh, just try it on” and she was always right. She actually picked out my bridesmaid dresses too. She didn’t want to look like an “old bitty” on my wedding day so she tried on this absolutely gorgeous dress. My maid of honour saw it and said “Yep! That’s our dress!” I can verify that even though she couldn’t wear that dress she still didn’t look like an “old bitty”.

One of Mom's greatest loves was her grandchildren. Madeline was born in October 2007 and made an early appearance, but it didn’t take much for mom to change her flight ticket to get out to Calgary and see her. The first time she laid eyes on her she beamed with pride and unconditional love. She always loved shopping for clothes for Madeline. She would pick out outfits and say “Oh isn’t that just the cutest!?” She loved to buy Madeline books and read them to her. One book in particular she would read was “In Grandma’s Arms”. She read it to Madeline while rocking in her chair right before nap time. I’m happy that she got to spend so much time with Madeline and I know that even though it was exhausting for her she loved every second.

On June 21, 2010 Mom was taken to Picton hospital and from there sent to Belleville. She was in a lot of pain and was given morphine to help ease it. Dr. Berezny was great to my father and I. He met with us and explained everything. He also made sure that she was sent to Toronto to get the proper help she needed. It turned out that she had contracted an infection and there was fluid around her liver and kidneys causing them to fail. In Toronto they were able to contain the infection that had started to go around her heart. She started dialysis to keep her kidney functions going. The three months she spent in Toronto were a mix of good days and bad days. It was hard to be apart, but we spoke every day. She liked to hear what Madeline was doing and how I was feeling as I was pregnant with Ben. Ben was born on September 10, 2010 and while I didn’t get to tell mom myself when she heard the news she called everyone!

On September 15 the Gold Wing group went up and celebrated her birthday with her which made her very happy. But the real happiness came on the weekend of September 18 when the hospital discharged her for the weekend to come home and see Ben. She had the same look of pride and unconditional love on her face when she held him for the first time. Two weeks after that she was discharged for good and came home to stay. I took Ben and Madeline over to see her all the time. It was great to have her home and she was happy to be there.

In November she was back in Kingston hospital with an oesophageal infection which resulted in missing a liver and kidneys when it became available. It was disappointing for all our family and friends. For a few short minutes mom thought she was going to get her life back and she was so excited, that same excitement as the first transplant. Unfortunately it just wasn’t meant to be. She came home on December 9. Kim, Dave, Dad, Aaron, Madeline and I put up her Christmas tree for her shortly after that. While the disappointment of the liver that never was hung over us, it was still a great day and she really enjoyed having everyone there and watching all of us decorate her tree. Christmas was a great time and she loved watching the kids open their presents.

Mom excitedly celebrated dad’s birthday on March 10. Bonnie took her out to go shopping for a present and we all had dinner at their house. It was one of the last times we were all together. Even in the last month mom would still have moments when she almost seemed her old self. She liked to sit in the rocking chair and look out the picture window. She reflected a lot on things and she always liked to hear how my day went, once again putting everyone else before herself.

On April 26, 2011 at 8:30pm Mom made the decision to stay in Picton and be comfortable and accepted that she would only have a short time left. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to experience, watching my parents say good bye and saying good bye myself. I told her I'd bring the kids to see her the next morning. I never got that chance as she slipped into a comatose state around 9:30pm and passed on April 27, 2011 at 6:30am. She never complained about what was happening to her but put her faith into her beliefs and fought with a strength I don’t think I will ever see matched for the rest of my life. She was a truly unique and brave woman with a zest for life. We miss her more everday that goes by.